So.......our hard driven quest to get Mom to stand has taken a timeout of sorts.  The physical therapist has signed off, saying that there is not enough progress to justify her services to Medicare.  It was hard to hear.  Mom's favorite thing in life is to take a ride.  Doesn't matter where.  Never mattered when.  There was pure joy in seeing her face when I would say, "want to come with me to the store?" If she cannot bear her weight on her legs we cannot pivot her into the car seat.
     We DO get her out of her bed, recliner and room from time to time, especially when the weather cooperates.  Her wheelchair takes her to the addition and a visit with Hartley, our greyhound, and then further out onto the deck and even on to the driveway and street for a short "walk".  It's just not the same.  I miss my errand buddy.  I miss her commentary on flowering shrubs and trees and her delight in seeing the first robin of the season.....I miss her saying how nicely people keep their lawns and gardens.  I hear her voice when I pass a road sign with her maiden name, another with her grandmother's name, and another that she always commented on about sounding British.  I miss her saying,"Home James, and don't spare the horses", when we would take the turn onto our street.
      She lost a lot that day when the stroke hit.  We all did.

DNR..........almost from the moment we came into contact with hospital personnel, rehab nurses and aides and now, home caregivers, the DNR question arose.  "Does your Mom have a living will?"  "What about a DNR?"Silly me.  I thought that a living will would relieve me from answering the question concerning resuscitation.  DNR......Do Not Resuscitate.  So, it's a personal choice, they say.
Really? I think.  Since when? I wonder.
     I suppose I have spent my life finding ways to preserve life, prevent sickness, care for living things.  I do not remember a time in my childhood when I did not have a pet.  Always a dog, most times a cat, and along the way....two canaries, a rabbit, and guinea pigs.  Later in life.....fish and many cats for a time.  Pets are a great comfort at any age.  They also make you painfully aware of the reality of life.....and death.  It was such a heartbreaking realization, a great loss of innocence to lose that first kitty.  And the car decided it's fate, not me.  Years later my kitty family members resided indoors, as they do now, and sometimes the decision IS mine when it comes to life and death.  It is so easy to decide when it comes down to the s word.  The love I have for these furry, sweet creatures allows me to never let them suffer.
     Having said all of that it should be an easy decision regarding Mom and a DNR bracelet.  Her aide says we will be sorry if we don't get one now.  The problem being that should she stop breathing and not be resuscitated immediately there would be a decision down the road to "unplug"that would be even more heart wrenching to make.  So, I wonder why she would stop breathing?  She has survived two childbirths, colon cancer, and now, a massive stroke....all while breathing!  Maybe it is a moot point.  I hope it is.  I pray that when her time comes she simply goes to sleep.  She deserves a peaceful passing.  Maybe that is what a DNR bracelet is all about after all.